Reborn

A few months back I envisioned how I'd be like once I start my college/uni life. Serious, determined, focused and pretty much everything that I was lacking while I was in high school. The reason is because I'm tired. Tired of feeling useless, insecure and inferior to others. So basically I just wanted to change. 

Here's the thing...

I DIDN'T.

I did at first. Kinda. Not really. Anyhow, before classes started like in the first 2 weeks after I got into UIA, I read on Law and a bunch of other things to gain extra knowledge so that I wouldn't feel so inferior to them since everyone here seems to have so much of it. I joined Tae Kwon Do, the English Debate Club, MeLex (society for Law students) sub-committee. I wanted to be like those over achievers. 

But then as usual, old habits started to kick in. Studying became secondary to almost everything else. Only went for Tae Kwon do about 5 times. Debate twice. 

This week especially, I felt like shit! I almost gave up on changing because nobody even noticed that I did. Nobody cares. They still think I'm irresponsible, lazy and I'm also known as the guy who sleeps a lot. What the hell is everyone's problem? What the hell is MY problem?

'I thought things were getting better. I was obviously wrong'

A good friend of mine asked me. 'So what now? What's your next move?'. I told her I was just gonna sit back and watch (I know, very stupid). Then one of the things she said to me was 'don't expect miracles to happen if you're just gonna sit there and watch'. Then it hit me.

I want and expect things but I don't do anything about it. 

How childish is that? Answer: VERY.


So I'm gonna try again. Try to change. Somehow, somewhere along the way I forgot. I didn't wanna change for them. It's for myself and my own satisfaction. And of course, for God. I wasn't the most religious person before I got into UIA. Not saying that I am now though. But I definitely made a few changes in my life. And I'm proud of that.


 I won't stop till I become the best of myself.