28 Aug 2011


'Lying next to you, wishing I could disappear' 

I never realized that you put that in your info up until just now. I felt....

Shocked, happy and somehow reassured.

And I was thinking about those nights. They were amazing. Undeniably.

But we shouldn't have to rely on that for us to be honest with each other. To be more accurate we CAN'T.

So I'll try to be more open and honest from now on. Why I didn't/don't? I'm scared. I guess I have trust issues too. You don't have to worry though.

It's not you. It's me. Oh by the way...

You make me happy. Don't ever leave.

First Love

Why I consider her to be my first love? It's the way she makes me feel. How she cheers me up whenever I'm down. How she calms me down when I'm pissed. I love the way it feels when it just goes in there. The excitement, the proud feeling I have of myself when it goes in there. Ahhhh.... By the way, she is NOT a person. She is a game. And the game is.... *drum roll*


Ok, that was lame. And kinda obvious for the people who really know me. Anyway, yeah. I miss it. I miss the rush, the competitiveness and the exhaustion I had during games but still continue playing anyway. Another thing is the talks I used to have with my friends in between the games. The 'gay talks' or us just being lame and crazy. I don't get much of any of that nowadays. So basically, I miss everything about it.

I have to get back to it. I need it.


24 Aug 2011


'You shouldn't focus on the negative things in your life'
 'You should be positive'
'Look at the bright side'

Ever had any experience where someone has said one of those things to you before? I think I have. But more than that, I've been saying to other people when they're down or emo. Yeah, yeah. I know. Makes me a hypocrite considering the fact that I usually don't take my own advice. Especially those ones.

So finally, today I decided to have a taste of my own medicine and took my own advice. I'm thankful. For everything I have and everything I don't. I'm lucky to have my family, awesome friends and roommates who care and are always supportive of me.

Of course, not forgetting someone else. Someone very special to me. Last night, when someone mentioned I had a girlfriend, I was like 'Girlfriend? What girlfriend?'. That happened more than once before actually. They thought I didn't wanna admit. But the thing is besides it being a joke, I guess I just didn't want other people in UIA to know. It's better that way to avoid all the conflict and drama.

 I have an amazing girlfriend and I'm proud of it!

I'm gonna try my best to do right by her. She's important and it's time I show it and not put on a barrier anymore. I'll let my guard down just as she did hers. It doesn't matter if she has a past and still wonders about it. Who doesn't? I do too.

 Baby, if by some chance one day you read this. Or I decide to tell you about it. Please know that I'm sorry. I know I say it a lot without actually doing anything about it. But I'm gonna change that hopefully. Because you make me happy and I want you to keep doing that. You're amazing.

I am madly and deeply in love with you.


A few months back I envisioned how I'd be like once I start my college/uni life. Serious, determined, focused and pretty much everything that I was lacking while I was in high school. The reason is because I'm tired. Tired of feeling useless, insecure and inferior to others. So basically I just wanted to change. 

Here's the thing...


I did at first. Kinda. Not really. Anyhow, before classes started like in the first 2 weeks after I got into UIA, I read on Law and a bunch of other things to gain extra knowledge so that I wouldn't feel so inferior to them since everyone here seems to have so much of it. I joined Tae Kwon Do, the English Debate Club, MeLex (society for Law students) sub-committee. I wanted to be like those over achievers. 

But then as usual, old habits started to kick in. Studying became secondary to almost everything else. Only went for Tae Kwon do about 5 times. Debate twice. 

This week especially, I felt like shit! I almost gave up on changing because nobody even noticed that I did. Nobody cares. They still think I'm irresponsible, lazy and I'm also known as the guy who sleeps a lot. What the hell is everyone's problem? What the hell is MY problem?

'I thought things were getting better. I was obviously wrong'

A good friend of mine asked me. 'So what now? What's your next move?'. I told her I was just gonna sit back and watch (I know, very stupid). Then one of the things she said to me was 'don't expect miracles to happen if you're just gonna sit there and watch'. Then it hit me.

I want and expect things but I don't do anything about it. 

How childish is that? Answer: VERY.

So I'm gonna try again. Try to change. Somehow, somewhere along the way I forgot. I didn't wanna change for them. It's for myself and my own satisfaction. And of course, for God. I wasn't the most religious person before I got into UIA. Not saying that I am now though. But I definitely made a few changes in my life. And I'm proud of that.

 I won't stop till I become the best of myself.

Long Overdue

To be honest, I've thought of creating one since I first got into UIA. But I didn't. Obviously.

Reasons why I didn't:

1. Scared of what people will think.
2. Didn't think my own writing would be interesting (even to myself).
3. Don't know what kind of blog I want to have.

As for the first and second reason, yeah. That's pretty dumb. But that's also very much like me. It just has something to do with my insecurity issues (long not to mention boring story).

I guess the 3rd reason is valid though. I didn't wanna have those kind of blogs where some people write about their everyday lives. I mean, that's like having a diary but sharing it with the world. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against that or the people who do that. I just prefer to keep my privacy. And I wouldn't really know what to write about my interests to be honest.

But you know what, screw that. Who cares what people will think? Who cares what I think? And I'll just write about whatever I feel like writing I guess.

So what motivated me to actually start is because  one of my friends during ILS talked about blogging and I realised that blogging isn't just to share our daily lives or things that interests us. It's about expressing. And for someone who's hotheaded and emotional like me, I think I'm more than qualified to be passed as someone who needs to express and vent those emotions in a 'proper' way.

Another reason is because of the past couple of days I had. With the so called girl problems, studies and the stupid last minute plans because of SOME people. I was pretty moody and stressed out that one night. So I said to my friend jokingly 'hey, maybe I should get a blog!' and she said she was thinking the same thing.  

So that's how I got here, posting this. 

Man, I'm sleepy. K, screw this. Out.